Best Way To WIN Any Argument with Your Ex!

May 18 2012

Arguments with ex’s are inevitable, especially when trying to get back together. And it’s a very fine line between “trying to win” and “trying to get back your ex”. That is, sometimes if you try too hard to win an argument, you will in turn lessen your chances of getting back with your ex. You have to play it very carefully.

With that in mind, here’s the best way to win an argument with your ex.

RESEARCHING FOR THE WIN. There’s no mixed martial artist who steps into a cage without first training, and usually doing a bit of research on his opponent so he or she knows exactly what to expect when it comes time to go at it.

I remember a kick boxer going into his first MMA bout and when asked what his opponents skills and strengths were, he replied “No idea.. I don’t even care, I’m just going to go in there and fight my fight.” Needless to say he got taken to the ground and choked out in the first minute of the first round.

The point here is that you need to realize what your ex is likely going to say. Know what their strengths are in their argument. Know their weaknesses. When they come at you with an accusation that you know they will, how will you counter? What will they say if that accusation doesn’t work? What examples will they bring up from the past that can easily take you down? You need to first think about all the possibilities and then prepare counters for them.

Now granted, maybe you cannot counter a strength that they have. If you cheated on them, then that’s the equivalent of going to battle with a muay thai fighter who has an awesome clinch. Chances are you’ll be caught up in that clinch and chances are you won’t be able to completely defend it. So you need to think of ways to get around it, or at least lessen the impact of it.

CALM AND COLLECTED FOR THE WIN. Want a surefire way to lose an argument AND lose any chance at getting back with your ex? Then go ahead and lose your cool. Be loud and beligerant and you’ll lose both the argument and the relationship. Even if you “think you’ve won”, of course you’ve really lost, or at least you’ve CHEATED for the win by resorting to harshness.

I’ve seen guys who had every right to be argued at as they’ve cheated and lied. But when it came time to sit down and argue the whole thing over, there calmness and understanding, their humble demeanor went miles towards resurrecting their relationship.

You see, one way of WINNING an “argument” is by ELIMINATING the argument. Don’t play the game. This not only throws the other person completely off, but it eases the situation, eliminating the need for argumentative behavior and thus giving you a much needed edge in resolving the situation.

Neither of these are easy to do. As humans we like to lash out and prove our points and not rest until our ego is satisfied with a “winning” result. But it’s very important to step back, calm yourself, do your research and know what is coming your way, and then proceed appropriately, knowing that utilizing these 2 techniques you are accomplishing 2 positive outcomes: an “argument win” so to speak, and a relationship reconciliation.

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WHEN to NOT Ask for Relationship Forgiveness – TIMING IS EVERYTHING

May 14 2012

We all react DIFFERENTLY based on certain times of the day or certain actions which occur around a particular part of the day. For instance our reaction to “hey you want to go play some ball” can be a NO in one hour  or a YES if asked an hour or two later. Totally different answers all based on TIMING. In this example the answer could be completely different when asked at 5pm right after you get off work, versus an hour or two later when your are more rested and have ate something. This issue of TIMING translates over to relationship forgiveness as well.

If you catch your ex at a bad time and try to talk to them into getting back together, your chances are very poor at getting the positive communication and response that you are after. Many ex’s blow it due to bad timing and then that’s pretty much it, they give up and don’t realize had they communicated at a different time frame, things would’ve been, well, completely different.

“You caught me at a bad time”

“Well, you actually caught me at a good time”

Which one of the above improves your chances at positive communication? The second one obviously. So you always want to focus on avoiding the “bad time frames” and rather hit upon the “good, positive, calming time frames” were communication will be more open, and more positive, drastically increasing your chances at a better resolve.

So when are those BAD TIME FRAMES that you should AVOID?

Right after work. Bad. The day is done and most people want to take a breather, relax for an hour or two. Not get into relationship stuff.

First thing in the morning. Believe it or not some ex’s are so desperate they will try to communicate first thing in the morning and what they expect is hard to fathom. People are usually groggy, trying to get themselves ready and hungry for their breakfast and coffee. Yet now they are expected to go at it and try to salvage a relationship?  C’mon, not good timing!

Friday/Saturday Nights. These can be tricky. But if your ex tends to go out on weekend nights, and you know they are preparing for the night, getting ready and a bit hurried, then trying to communicate will be a distraction and a downer.

Holidays/Birthdays/or Known Events. Any obvious events where you know your ex will be busy, are no-no’s for trying to resolve conflict.

Late night before bed. If you know your ex goes to bed at 11pm, then don’t gear up for a big relationship forgiveness conversation at 10:30 pm. Your ex will feel rushed at wanting to get off the phone with you, knowing they are going to miss much needed sleep, and then the actual sleep will be LOUSY since they will have the conversation on their mind right before trying to bed down. So it will be a very NEGATIVE experience all around.

When is the right time?

This depends on you ex’s schedule and when you feel he or she is likely to be in a somewhat calm, relaxed demeanor. This may be tricky as many people are “busy-busy-busy”, but avoiding the obvious above time frames will be a big step forward for catching your ex in that “good time” for talking period.

 

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5 Rules for How to Get a Boyfriend

May 10 2012

We mainly focus on saving relationships rather than how to get into a relationship, but sometimes the BEST preventive measure for breaking up is getting the right person in the first place!

So many couples choose to get a boyfriend or girlfriend by going about it all wrong. It’s almost inevitable a clash will occur, and eventually a break up. Let’s focus on how to get a boyfriend the right way.

1. COMMON INTERESTS. The best way for finding a guy is going to places which YOU enjoy. Ok, well going to a flower shop trying to find a boyfriend probably won’t work. Instead focus on potentially mutual interests, like music and even certain sports if you have a genuine interest in them. The best way to get a good guy is meeting them at mutual interest type places, that way you ensure a”good start” to a potential further future with one another.

2. SPORTS EVENTS (WITH DISCLAIMER). So let’s say you decide to just ignore the previous advice. Okay, obviously there’s going to be a LOT of guys at sporting events. And maybe you are not so interested in the sports, but more interested in meeting a potential boyfriend. While this can be a good place to meet a guy, DO NOT become boyfriend/girlfriend until you discover you have REAL mutual interests. You are in essence “fooling” the guy showing up at a sports event, which in reality you could care less about. So after meeting, talking, texting and so forth, find out first if there is genuine mutual interest before throwing down the “boyfriend” label.

3. BE PRUDE! Seriously, this is an important one! If you are looking for a boyfriend then you should “work your way up (or, uh, down)” instead of becoming sexual right from the get-go. Work your way towards the sexuality for genuine boyfriend material. For strictly pleasure that’s a different story. But you want a solid guy. Guys can get the wrong idea too if you become sexual right away. They may very well think that you are just in it for the pleasure and not really into developing a relationship with one another.

4. LOOK GOOD – BUT NOT TOO GOOD! A real stand-off’ish appearance can be a woman who “tries to look too good”. When you mask yourself up in heavy makeup and overly flashy costumes then you shut yourself off from a lot of guys who may think you are unapproachable, or are more interested in your shade of lipstick than developing a meaningful relationship. So don’t look “too good” to the point where it’s more of a turn off than anything.

5. BE FORWARD! So many guys suffer from the shy-guy syndrome and there could be a lot of solid would be boyfriends out there that might “miss the opportunity” even after you’ve given them “all the signs”. Guys are clueless a lot of the time. And when they do get a clue, they sometimes fumble and jumble it so much that it’s almost embarrassing. If you see a cute but slightly socially clumsy dude, and want to know him more, then go ahead and BE FORWARD! Ask for a number, text him, test the waters and see if he’s worth pursuing further for potential boyfriend material!

 

 

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“Taking a Break” – Have You Heard These Words? Is Your Relationship Really OVER?

May 09 2012

You’ve heard it before -”Maybe we should TAKE A BREAK for a while”. Ouch. Usually this is the prequel to the final breakup. So, is it over? Should you just become upset and move on? Definitely NOT. There are ways to salvage a relationship even after the taking the break lines are heard.

If your mate suggests taking time off from the relationship, then as mentioned, this usually means they are setting the stage for a permanent breakup. If this is the case, there’s a few things you can do.

You can say NO, as in “no I don’t want to!” You can see how this sounds. It sounds like a child. Responding in this manner will usually make the situation worse and more hostile. Your mate has made up their mind on the taking a break thing. They are basically just informing you about it, as opposed to really asking you.

So trying to put up a struggle usually won’t work. You can try, by acting gentle and convincing, and maybe you will prevent the “break”, but usually it’s a done deal. So you’ll have to go to the second “thing to do”.

As soon as you hear these words, spring into action. It’s “game-on” as far as you should be concerned. You need to get your girl back, or your guy back a.s.a.p.  But don’t try to stop the so-called temporary break up. Go along with it. With one stipulation. As you are very sad about this, make it a point to set up a date in the future, a few weeks or so, to re-evaluate things.

Way too often guys or girls get all depressed and don’t make any effort to set up a time in the future for re-evaluation. After all, that’s what “taking a break” is supposed to be all about right? Well then you have to ensure a future meet up date so you can either “officially break up”, or, hopefully, get back together.

Your girlfriend or boyfriend will likely be very relieved that you take the news without major arguing, and will likely find it reasonable to meet back up and talk further after a bit of time.

So you have some choices in the days and weeks in between your meet up, at how to proceed. If you are heavy into texting, then there is an excellent texting tactic that works great for saving relationships which are on the brink of dissolving. You can watch the video on how that works right HERE.

Otherwise there are other non texting step by step programs for ensuring that you will get back together when it comes time for that vital “re-evaluation date”. This is one of the best plans HERE.

If you decide to go on your own with this, then the key is to proceed calmly and casually. Thanking your ex for their honesty, while subtly reminding them of the good times you had together, all the major pluses in your relationship, is key. Of course slipping in their your willingness to change can also be beneficial. You can see how difficult subtly and casually communicating all these things can be, without seeming overbearing.

Form a plan to get him or her back and go for it, or use one of the above. If you’ve heard the “take a break” line, all is definitely not lost. There were obviously some holes in your relationship or you wouldn’t have heard those words. The key is to figure what the holes were and communicate your willingness to fill them up as best as possible.

Good luck.

 

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Should I “POP THE QUESTION” to Get Back My Ex???

May 04 2012

Many girlfriends do break up with their boyfriends due to lack of commitment. They may feel their clock is ticking or just don’t want to waste time with someone who doesn’t appear to be serious about taking the next step. “POPPING THE QUESTION”, as in asking your girl to marry you, may be the key to get back your ex. Or it could be a huge embarrassment. Here’s how to tell the difference and a solid plan of action on what exactly to say if you might be unsure:

If it’s obvious that the reason you broke up is because the ring never came, then by all means if you are serious about your woman, start poppin the Q. There’s an excellent chance you will get your woman back, and of course an excellent chance she will say YES.

But sometimes it may not be that obvious, at least to the typical guy. If you’ve been with your woman for a while, if the subject of MARRIAGE has come up more than a few times, and if you know deep down that you’ve been avoiding or putting off the whole marriage game, then all of a sudden – BAM – she dumps you, then even though it’s not completely spelled out for you, chances are it could be that you haven’t proposed and this is your wake up call. And probably, YOUR LAST CALL.

Propose to the woman if you really want to keep her.

Now what about if you’ve been seeing someone for a while and she breaks up with you, and marriage was never really talked about. There’s never been any issues regarding advancing your commitment and never has there really been any push to even explore that option. It could be REALLY embarrassing to POP THE Q when the marriage game wasn’t even the reason she broke up with you. The answer will likely be a crushing ego blowing NO.

And if you are just asking the question for the sake of getting back together, then don’t ask it at all. You have to be in this full throttle. Divorce rates are EXTREMELY high, and the reason why is usually because one person never was totally into getting tagged in the first place. They may THINK they are, due to societal forces, ego issues, and other quirks and conundrums of human behavior, but deep down they really were not down with the whole getting hitched game.

Only pop the Q if it is pretty obvious. Otherwise, ease into it if you are unsure. Here’s how:

Convey to your woman that you’ve wanted to take the next step forward in your relationship, whatever step that may be, but you found yourself holding back, due to nervousness, typical guy stuff, and not wanting to ruin the great thing you already have.

But now you’ve “seen the light”, and realize that this great thing you have together needs to be nourished, cherished, and developed even further, and that if she will take you back, then by all means you want to head in the serious commitment direction. Then if that bait is gobbled, and your back with your Lady, then you can spring for the ring and propose in the coming weeks. With this approach you kind of “test the waters”. See if this is really it. While at the same time not embarrassing yourself, if by chance, this isn’t the real issue.

In any event, asking the woman to marry you could very well be the key to getting her back for good. It may be what she’s been wanting to hear. Do some thinking first though, and if at all unsure, use the above testing grounds to find out for sure.

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Surviving Relationship Problems – Why CREATING SPACE Works!

May 02 2012

Relationships have problems. We are humans and humans are flawed in many ways. One of those ways is in dealing with other people, specifically other people we LOVE. Why would we ever create problems with those we love? Yet it happens.  It happens all the time.

Just knowing that this is, somewhat, “normal”, and as humans we so easily can fall into the relationship problem trap, can be reassuring to know, but… But will it really solve your relationship problems?

No, likely not.

Instead of putting initial focus on “solving”, put focus on “surviving”. Initially, after problems surface we rush to patch things up completely. We want to simply throw a band aid over the problem and forget about it.

This infuriates your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. There are problems and your solution is to just wave a wand and magically solve it?  Instead you need to survive. And surviving is not minimizing the problem. It is understanding that things are tense, there are problems, but your job is to HANG IN. Not try to do a quick patch job, nor storm off in a rage. Hang in and survive the relationship problems so you can then work through them and at a proper pace, move past them.

SPACE is usually a good place to start. Some couples learn from out of touch motivational speakers that whenever a problem arises they should have a “key word” that they say out loud, and this somehow will magically erase the problem, and then they are told to go about their business as if nothing happened, and NOT to allow space to be created. The problem is that nagging feeling that the problem is still there persists. The real answer is not ignoring it and pretending to move on. Instead give one another space.

As humans we need individual space. We don’t need to be crowded by one another constantly. Overwhelmed with each others mannerisms and annoying tendencies can easily lead to “manufactured problems”. These problems are really signs that are telling us, “OK, time to take a breather…go chill out, relax…a little one on one time with myself is needed.”

And what usually happens? Once one “cools out” they come back refreshed and even more appreciative towards the other. They can then see the problem more clearly and probably realize how “non-important” it really is in the long run.

So create some space. Relax and release. Come back renewed and in a better, more positive state of mind.

Creating space is not only a good option for oneself, it can definitely lead to a more tighter and less problem rising relationship.

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“How Do I Get My Girlfriend Back by Summer”

May 01 2012

“Broke up with my girl last weekend and this is after I been so lookin forward to spending all summer with her…had plans, trips etc. but really just spending weekends where I thought we would share one of those “long hot summers” together… Now I’m crushed about it…breakup came out of nowhere, totally shocked..totally bummed.. Anyway, how do I get my girlfriend back by summer? Any tips?”

The first thing you have going for you is motivation. You’ve already had strong visualizations about being together this Summer. Believe it or not, this is HUGE.

Visualization techniques are very important when you want to get something done, when you want to achieve a goal. You’ve already been utilizing visualization so you are ahead of the game.

Breakups “coming out of nowhere” are frustrating . But they are good in a way, as it could be a sudden impulse breakup. I’ve seen breakups occur after a girl has seen a movie about a single woman and her single lifestyle being romanticized, or after a few talks with other women who are single. This could be an impulse, and getting your girlfriend back could be easier than you think, and definitely attainable by Summer.

On the other hand… Many times things have been “brewing” for a while and the boyfriend is simply unaware. This could also be the case, and while you had been dreaming of a long hot Summer with your gal, her Summer dreaming may have been different.

So the first step is to really determine which of the above is true. Was it impulse, or has it been brewing?

In any event, try to find the root cause through communicating with your girlfriend on a loving, meaningful level. After all, you want to know the truth one way or another.

Try to emphasize that you really shouldn’t break up with one another for no reason, or for petty reasons. You should give the relationship a second chance first, rather than breaking up first. Go for the second chance approach and try to stretch it into the summer. “Let’s at least give it 2 or 3 more months”.  This will at least bring you into the Summer months and hopefully by then you will be back to normal or even better, and Summer will be a long, hot, sensually spectacular one.

Good luck bro.

 

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Get Back Together Advice – 3 “MUST USE STEPS” for Getting Back Together

Apr 29 2012

Here is some very important get back together advice that you really should consider taking in if you have broken up with your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse and are thinking seriously about getting back together.

STEP 1. Ask yourself again, “do you really want to get back together?” Seriously, this is a step you must first take to be ultra sure you want to go down this road of getting back together. Most all relationship advice side steps this issue, but as you will see on our site, in other posts, there are times when the best breaking up advice is, to, well, remain broken up! So consider if this is truly the right route to take. Once you’ve confirmed this to yourself, then you can proceed to steps 2 and 3.

STEP 2. Plan Your Sequel. You’ve just broken up, been dumped, or have had a relationship end for whatever reason. Now you want back in. You need to plan your spectacular sequel. Plan out how you will make a comeback. What’s the saying – “failing to plan, is planning to fail” – well this definitely applies with break ups and trying to get back together. Put a plan together. This may consist of sitting down and figuring out good, positive ways for your comeback, or using the help of some get back ex online guides which can take you through setting up “your spectacular sequel”. See some of the recommended guides on this website. The point is, “ya gotta plan” so you can guarantee yourself the best chances for becoming a couple once again.

STEP 3. ACTION, ACTION, ACTION. I would almost wager that at least 30% of people go through steps 1 and 2, but FAIL to do step 3 properly. There’s a reason I wrote ACTION 3 times . Because it very well may take triple the effort and triple the attempts to get this right. You may take the first action and it doesn’t work out. This is where many of the 30 or so percent will fit in. They will take the first action, it doesn’t work, then they will give up. Instead they need to take a breath, re-set, re-group and continue to go for it. Sometimes your ex is not going to be in a responsive mood initially (usually this IS the case). But after things have settled some, and you try again, you very well may receive a much more positive response. But if you just give up after the first try, then you’ll be missing out on other potentially more positive attempts.

You can do this. You can go through these relatively, on the surface at least,  easy steps for getting back together. This is what it’s going to take to make it happen. Confirming this is what you want, planning on how to do it, and taking triple the action for making it happen!

 

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Get My Boyfriend Back – HELP!

Apr 26 2012

“Hi, i need serious HELP! to get my boyfriend back. I did something stupid (drunk, made out some guy dancing) anyway it was lame and dumb, bf found out and ended 9 months of a very awesome relationship…we shouldn’t have ended like this… i want to erase that stupid night and dance and just get my boyfriend back – HELP!”

I asked permission to include this and she was game as perhaps other advice in the comments could help her, as there is likely some women out there who made the same mistake in the past.

If it’s true and it was a drunken dance and makeout and nothing more…then, while you can’t erase it, there is definitely a chance you can get your boyfriend back.

These things happen, the alcohol seems to take over and we lapse into very stupid and regrettable situations. This needs to be expressed to your boyfriend. The fact that it was incredibly stupid and incredibly regretful.

But don’t throw everything at him all at once. Coming out with your self defense fists flying is just going to escalate things. You’ll end up in a back and forth war of words that could make things even worse than they already are.

Start easy and yes express your deep regret from the start, but remember to keep it smooth, especially if he’s not even talking to you at this point.

You really need to get to the talking point. Likely he will be frustrated, upset and closed off to you. Pry open the communication slowly and carefully.

Now days we have simple forms of communication to get things rolling a lot quicker. Texting is an excellent form of communication to use. But you have to use it right.  Here’s a step by step texting routine that is very effective and designed specifically for getting boyfriends back.

Basically you want to sustain the communication. Keep it moving. The more small talking or texting you do, the closer you will get to more communication, eventually reasonable talk where you can sit down and state your regrets face to face.

BUT, having said that, you want to AVOID the endless back and forth NEGATIVE type texting that can easily occur if you allow it. This can get out of hand very quickly as many couples have discovered. If you’ve already gone down this path, you need to re-set, start again with a texting plan of action which is much calmer and will deliver results.

Getting him back may seem difficult at first. But the initial pain and hurt will subside and more reasonable relationship rehabilitation will eventually set in.

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Break Up With Girlfriend – 3 Signs You Should End Your Relationship

Apr 24 2012

While we like to focus on ways to retrieve and save your relationship with your girlfriend, we can’t ignore, or deny that there are times when you should in fact… break up with the girlfriend.

Here are 3 signs you should break up with the girlfriend:

Non Supportive. We all have dreams, and yes some guys can really dream big, maybe too big at times. But if you do have realistic dreams and goals, and you are continually met with negativity, then it’s time to attempt to work these things out and establish whether or not your girlfriend is on your team or not. There’s nothing worse than continually being greeted with negativity and a demeaning nature when it comes to one’s hopes and desires.

Non Compatible. There are some couples that can kiss, make-out, have wonderful intimacy with one another, but when it comes to real world issues and tastes, they are complete polar opposites. Now it’s sometimes a great thing to have opposite qualities and different tastes. It can be a very positive thing if you learn from one another in this manner and can appreciate and respect your partners varying views, tastes or preferences. But then there are couples who, well, they basically just “look good together”. As in a photo. And this “image” is what they ride on throughout their whole relationship. Beyond “looking good together” there really is NOTHING. In reality they are totally non compatible. Guys are very much guilty of this when they have a great looking, attractive girlfriend that others are insanely jealous about. Obviously one wants to live up this image and it would be ridiculous to ever break up with such a  goddess. But breaking up with the girlfriend is EXACTLY what should be done if you are riding the non compatible ship.

Non Frugal. Now days frugality is obviously very important. Everyone needs to be more conservative with their money and many guys simply can’t afford to have a girlfriend who is spending cash like it’s going out of style (well, it is going out of style, but…). But some woman just can’t cope with conserving money. They have a boyfriend and they expect his money to be their money. If your financial situation is being severely threatened by a money hungry gal, and no attempts at communicating this harmful situation are successful (money is like mental illness, many people just can’t adjust), then it really is time to break up with the girlfriend before your own ship starts to sink.

These may be hard steps to take, but in the long run it’s necessary for your true dreams to be fulfilled and for you to prosper with someone you are truly connected with.

 

 

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